…but that didn’t stop the “gangly Canadian with a Fu Manchu mustache and a fluffy mullet” from giving Otis Redding’s Try a Little Tenderness his best.

That’s correct. According to Wired Magazine, the Karaoke World Championships are in full swing, baby! Over the next few days, 44 contestants from 17 countries will be crooning to their favorite tunes on board the Finnish cruiseliner, M/S Galaxy. Competing for the grand prize - And all the while, massively drunk. THOSE LUCKY BASTARDS!

While you and I sit home watching the event on ESPN IV, those amateurs are out on that sparking cruise ship - a brand-new quarter-of-a-billion dollar beast that ferries between Helsinki and Tallinn (Estonia).

These people are obviously just competing for bragging rights… because the prize is merely another electronic karaoke system. Any karaoke pro would already have three of these.

Kurt Slep, CEO of my primary rival, Sound Choice, ignorantly droned, “We’ve seen it go from drunks singing in a bar to everyday home entertainment… You can now do karaoke where you want it, when you want it, 24/7.” News flash, bud. I’ve been doing karaoke when I wanted and where I wanted for the past 3 decades. I don’t need any of your “magical” technology to do it. Get back in the mini-van.

Anyway, the first few Karaoke World Championships were in Helsinki, but this year they decided to bring out the big guns and up the ante… hence the Finnish cruiseliner. Word!

Updates to follow over the next few days… in the meantime, try to imagine yourself in *Ben Brown’s shoes, singing R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly.” Practice makes perfect, kiddo.

*Ben Brown is described by Wired as “a soft-featured 18-year-old pub worker from Clapham, England.”